


Sedatephobia

by Agent_To_The_Rescue



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-14 02:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_To_The_Rescue/pseuds/Agent_To_The_Rescue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sedatephobia: A fear of silence</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cause

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Heyy, this idea came about when one of the people on msn made their name thingy ‘Sedataphobia’. I instantly googled and found that it meant ‘fear of silence.’ And of course I knew I had to make a story using that as the title. So, this chapter ‘Cause’ is the first part of a two part story ^^
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Demyx or Zexion cause they belong to the creators of Kingdom hearts. Also, if Trend is a real magazine, then I don’t own that either.

** Chapter 1 **

_**Cause** _

           

            Demyx rubbed his tired eyes several times before grabbing the old video camera from his bedroom. He placed it on the table in front of the window, facing the city skyline that could be seen through the crystal clear pane. The blond pressed the little ‘on’ button that was stationed on top of the video camera. The red light came on and Demyx turned to the window, unlocking the latch that kept it closed, and opened it wide. He scribbled a note which read ‘Play me’ in block letters, barely decipherable due to Demyx’s bad handwriting, and stuck it to the back of the camera with a small strip of sticky tape.

            Slowly making his way to his blue and sea green bedroom, he re-opened the creaky door and slipped inside soundlessly. The teal eyed man went straight to the sitar case that was lying under his double bed, and pulled it out from under the mattress. He ran his fingers over the texture covering of the case feeling the familiar pattern that reminded him of the day he met his lover. He paused for a moment, reminiscing.

 

***

 

            It was two years ago. He had just gotten off the stage, sitar in hand, feeling energized and ready for another round of singing. He felt like this was his lucky day and that no matter what, as long as he had his lucky sitar case, he would be happy regardless of the outcome. He placed his custom made instrument in the cushiony velveteen interior of his lucky case. He gazed at the instrument and beamed. His sitar was much better than anyone else’s sitar because it was blue, not that many people had sitars. He closed the lid of the case and flipped the latches located on the side of the case, before brushing his fingers along the faux leather exterior. He needed luck tonight; he had to be up on stage again in an hour.

            The blonde heard a sneeze behind him, and turned around in order to say ‘Gesundheit’. But what he saw was the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. The stranger, who was holding a notebook and pen in his hands, had the silkiest hair. It was slate grey, with highlights of purple and blue. It reminded Demyx of a summer storm. And his eyes, a piercing blue, were full of such wisdom, as if he had seen many years go by, despite the fact he was clearly no older than twenty-one. He seemed nervous, as if he was not supposed to be back stage and was worried he might get caught. Demyx stood up and took a few steps toward him.

            “Hey there.” The blond said, grinning.

            The man with the slate hair focused his timid gaze on the sitarist. Demyx felt his insides melt as the strangers eyes bore into him.

            “What’s up?” he tried to make conversation.

            Looking around a few times, the unknown man inched forward slowly, as if the blond would eat him. “Are you Demyx Tide?” he asked cautiously, his eyes darting around.

            Demyx nodded. “And who might you be?”

            “Zexion Mirage.” He held out his hand to shake, and the teal eyed man took it. “I’m not really supposed to be back here, but I need an interview with you. I work for _Trend_ magazine. Do you think you could spare a few minutes of your time answering some questions?”

            Grinning, the blond nodded eagerly. He loved reading _Trend_ , and now he had a chance to be featured in it. But he wanted to ask Zexion something first. “One question.”

            “Shoot.”

            Plucking up the courage, Demyx asked, “Do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?”

            This had obviously taken Zexion off guard as his eyes went wide as dinner plates. “Umm…” he stuttered, “Sure.”

            Demyx beamed. “Awesome. So anyway, about this interview….”

 

***

 

            Sliding the case back under the bed, he got up off his knees and walked back into the living room where the running camera awaited him. He positioned himself on the window sill, facing the video camera. He smiled slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Even still, he wanted his lover to see him smile one last time, regardless of how fake it was. He loved Zexion, he really did. But he just could not bear to live with this agonizing emotional emptiness that had engulfed him. He needed an escape, to get away from this feeling, or lack there of. He was at the point where he did not care what he had to lose. And although he did not want to leave his beloved to face this harsh world alone, he really did not have a choice.

            “Zexion,” he said into the video camera, “I love you. I really do. But I just can’t cope with this emptiness any longer. The cuts on my arms could only keep me alive for so long.” Tears started to roll down his face. “I’ll see you in the next life. I love you. Goodbye.”

            He reached forward to turn off the camera, pressing the little red button, not realising that he had not pushed it hard enough, and failed to realise that the light had not gone out, meaning the video camera was still on.

            “Finally free.” The teal eyed man muttered to himself. Brushing away the tears, he leant backwards out the open window and let go of the window sill, slipping out the window and falling through the air, on to the pavement below.

 

***

 

            Zexion walked up to the large high rise apartment building where Demyx lived. He gazed up at the many floors of the building. Dreading the ascent he was going to have to endure, he walked through the glass revolving doors slowly, wishing to take his time. It was almost a ritual for him; walking though the door and to the elevator as slow as possible with out looking stupid. I was something that he always did when he went to visit the blond.

            Something that did not usually happen on his way to Demyx’s was the strap of his messenger bag breaking, causing the black bag to fall to the ground, the contents spilling everywhere. He let out a disgruntled sigh as he knelt on the ground, picking up the pages of his article which had scattered across the marble floor. His laptop had also slipped out of the bag, which caused him to feel the need to check it over just in case it had broken because of the fall. Luckily, it was fine, but the papers had foot prints stamped onto them. Zexion let out another irritated sigh and quickly finished gathering up the article.

            He stood once he had stuffed everything in the messenger bag and finished grumbling about the terrible design; he walked over to the elevator, carrying the bag in his hand. He pressed the button which made the elevator door open, and stepped inside. The sound of ill-fitting elevator music filled the small space, which brought Zexion’s mood down just that little bit more. But he was going to see Demyx, so he had to remain positive or else the blond might worry about him. And he didn’t want that, Demyx had been feeling down recently.

            The doors finally opened on the eighteenth floor, Demyx’s floor. Arms getting tired from holding the heavy bag, he made his way quickly to the teal eyed man’s door, number sixty nine. Digging the spare key Demyx had given him out of his front pocket, he inserted it into the keyhole and turned it cautiously. He could tell something was amiss, not quite right. Had something happened to his lover?

            Starting to feel extremely anxious that something was wrong, he opened the door quickly and hastily entered the apartment. Normally he would be able to hear the sitarist’s ever present instrument making sweet melodies, but tonight it was silent. The quiet dragged on, coating the air with a feeling of dread.

            “Demyx? You here?” Zexion called out, but received stillness in response. The sound of an ambulance siren at the foot of the building broke the tense atmosphere as the blue eyed man began to reason with himself. “Maybe he just popped out for a minute. He’ll be back anytime.”

            _But maybe you are wrong,_ his brain argued.

            Looking around the apartment once again, he noticed the video camera that was facing the open window in the living area. It had a note on it, he observed. Picking up the note, he read it. It said ‘Play me’ in Demyx’s terrible hand writing. This must be some kind of practical joke. Or maybe it was part of a romantic gesture. Perhaps his boyfriend was waiting for Zexion somewhere romantic, and this was his message to tell Zexion to come to him. He liked that idea, because that would mean everything was okay.

            So Zexion obeyed the note, holding up the video camera and pressing the play button.


	2. Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sedatephobia: A fear of silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the second part in a two part story. I called it Effect because this is about the effect Demyx’s death had on Zexion. Also: My friend Shadow helped me with one of the paragraphs. Thanks Shadow. Anyway, hopefully if you’re still reading this, you’ve forgiven me for killing Demyx… or maybe you haven’t. Well, either way, enjoy ^_^
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don’t own the characters, sadly…

**Chapter 2**

_**Effect** _

 

            Zexion played the recorded video over and over again, wishing with all his heart that what he was seeing was staged. Demyx can not be gone. He just…he just…prayed that some how his love was alright. Zexion played the tape once more, still not believing his eyes.

            He watched the little screen as the blonde pretended to smile.

            “Zexion, I love you. I really do. But I just can't cope with this emptiness any longer. The cuts on my arms could only keep me alive for so long.” The Demyx in the video said, tears falling down his face.

            Zexion placed the video camera back on the table, ran to the window and looked to the ground. There was an ambulance by the foot of the building, and what looked to be a paramedic holding a big black bag.

            Abruptly, Zexion pushed himself away from the window and let out a loud piercing scream in anguish, still in disbelief. In anger, the grey haired man began throwing things around the room, pacing back and forth, tears still streaming down his face. Finally he stopped, breathing heavily he hunted for something sharp he could use. Desperately wanting to end the sudden pain which had engulfed him, he felt he could not live without Demyx. Striding into the kitchen, he rummaged around in the cutlery draw. Demyx had always loved to keep the draw a mess; he would say it was more fun looking for what you needed. Zexion, however, was not having fun hunting for a knife of some sort. Pulling out a steak knife, he pressed the edge of the blade to his skin along his arm. But something in him resisted and he dropped the knife, making it clatter on the ground.

            He could feel the weight of the silence that hung in the air push his body down to the ground, causing him to collapse on to the linoleum floor.  The quiet that had occupied the room when he first walked into the apartment suddenly seemed so terrifying it made him want to scream again just to break the stillness. Normally the apartment would be filled with the noise of Demyx playing his sitar, but not tonight. Not any night from now on. Zexion would never get to hear his boyfriend play a sweet carefree melody ever again.

            The blue eyed man continued to sit there, weeping and slamming his fist into the floor repeatedly as he absorbed what he saw on the pavement and in the video. ‘Why?’ is what he wanted to know. Why would his beloved blond feel the need to commit suicide? Why was he not happy? He had so many questions that would never be answered because the one person who knew the truth was, sadly, dead.

            Zexion’s phone began to ring, playing a tune called Thirteenth Struggle. He ignored it, hoping the person on the other end would go away when there was no answer. He listened to the ring tone intently, trying to distract himself from his thoughts of despair. However, he failed, ending up trying to persuade himself to pick up the knife again. Almost immediately after his phone stopped ringing, the ring tone started playing again. This time he answered it.

            “Zexion, it’s me Ax. Roxas and I are going to come around to Demyx’s. I assume you’re there, after all, you’re always ‘round there.” He joked.

            Zexion began to sob loudly into the phone.

            “Shit! Zex, you okay?” Axel asked, worried. “You and Dem didn’t have a—“

            “He’s dead.” Zexion choked, “DEMYX IS DEAD!”

            There was silence on the other end of the phone. Once again Zexion began to feel uneasy because he could not hear any noise. Axel spoke again, “Please tell me you’re joking. Dem can’t be dead.”

            Still crying, Zexion explained, “He… he killed himself. Went… backwards out the… window.”

            “Shit. This can’t be happening. We’ll be right over.” Axel hung up. Zexion was now left alone in the agonising silence, wishing with all his heart that music would start playing at any moment. But it did not. The silence remained, ever still, coating the walls with its thick poison and swallowing the oxygen in the air. Zexion felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his lungs were filling with water.

            Zexion still had not processed Demyx’s death; no matter how many times he played back the video in his head, repeating over the one line that affected him the most. “I love you.” Demyx had said into the camera, the sentence clearly directed at the grey haired man. He put his head in his hands.

            A stranger walked by the apartment door, which was still open, and noticed Zexion sobbing on the floor. They took a few steps into the living area and called out, “Are you okay?”

            “Go away.” Zexion muttered darkly, removing his head from his cupped hands and tilting his head slightly to peer at the stranger.

            They rubbed the back of their neck, just like what Demyx used to do when he was nervous, and muttered. “Geez, I’m sorry, I was just try--.”

            “GO AWAY!” Zexion screamed before getting up and storming over to the door way, pushing the stranger out of the apartment and slamming the wooden door in their face. He did not need anyone’s help except Axel’s and Roxas’.

           

***

 

            Fifteen minutes later, Zexion heard a knock on the door. Not even bothering to wipe the tears off his cheeks, he moved away from the door where he had been leaning, and opened it. Standing there was a red head, much taller then himself, and a blond who was slightly shorter than the grey haired man. They just stood there as they noticed Zexion’s tears and bloodshot eyes. Realization hit that this was not a joke.

            “Oh god.” Axel muttered.

            Zexion collapsed into the red head’s arms, weeping while Roxas rubbed his back, trying to sooth him. Axel hugged him tight, whispering repeatedly, “Everything will be alright.” Zexion shook his head, knowing that everything would _not_ be okay.

            After a moment, Zexion walked over to the video camera that was still sitting on the table. He picked it up and passed it to Roxas and Axel. They played the video, heads together watching the tiny screen.

            “I love you.” Zexion overheard, as if he had not heard it enough. The words cut into him like daggers. If he loved Zexion, why did he abandon him?

            “Oh my god.” Axel repeated. Roxas began to cry for the death of his friend while Axel hugged him tightly.

            Zexion turned to the knife which was still sitting on the ground, his back facing Axel and Roxas. He grasped the handle and threw it in to the wall opposite him with enough force to cause it get lodged in the plaster.

            “Why did he abandon me? WHY? Why didn’t he talk about his feelings? Why, why, why?” he shouted and screamed at the top of his lungs. He grabbed the knife again, and stabbed it into the wall several times, making six holes.

            Collapsing on to the ground once again, he lay there, curled up, staring off in to space and listening to the silence that had once again overcome the room.

            Why was he suddenly so afraid of the silence? Was it because he was too scared to accept that his lover, the one who always broke the silence, was never coming back?

            Axel walked over to Zexion and helped him off the ground. He started leading him to the door while Roxas picked up the messenger bag which had been discarded on the ground.

            “We’ll take you back to our apartment. You can have a hot shower and then get some rest. There’s no reason for up to stay here any longer.” he explained, a single tear rolling down his face.

            Zexion stopped. “Can, can we grab D...D… the sitar?” He could not bring himself to say Demyx’s name.

            “Sure.” Roxas agreed, heading into the bedroom to grab the instrument.

            And with that, they walked slowly, tears in their eyes, to the apartment that Axel and Roxas shared.

 

***

 

            Zexion sat in his bedroom a few weeks later. The silence occupying the room was thick, and Zexion felt like he could not see past it. It dragged on and on, dancing around him, mocking him. He just felt so terrified because of what the silence stood for. The grey haired man had not slept in days, choosing instead to play back memory after memory of moments he and Demyx shared. There was one recollection he was particularly fond of. The time Demyx first told him he truly loved him.

 

***

 

            “Demyx, where are you taking me?” Zexion asked his boyfriend. The pair had not been dating for very long, only about a few months.

            Demyx had his hands over his lover’s eyes. He was leading the other through the door of his apartment where he had set up a surprise. “You’ll see.” he replied.

            Zexion sniffed the air. “I can smell… ocean breeze candles? Seriously, where are we going?”

            Demyx removed his hands from in front of Zexion’s eyes. Zexion opened his eyes, and was greeted by a romantic setting. Blue, ocean breeze candles littered the apartment, and the couch in the living area had been shifted to make way for a smallish square table and two chairs facing each other. On top of the table in the middle was a vase of lilacs and a candelabrum. Also on the table were two plates and some cutlery.

            _Did Demyx cook us a romantic meal?_ Zexion wondered, hoping it did not turn out burnt like the last time the blond cooked.

            Zexion also noted the music that was playing in the background, one of the CD’s Demyx had made of his more relaxing melodies.

            “I thought we could have a romantic meal. Just the two of us.” Demyx explained.

            Zexion turned to Demyx and stood up on his tiptoes, kissing the teal eyes man on the lips softly. “It’s wonderful.”

            Demyx’s stomach rumbled. “Umm, can we eat?” he muttered, embarrassed.

            The bookworm chuckled and nodded.

            As Zexion sat down, Demyx went into the kitchen and took the food out of the oven and prepared the salad. Bringing it over to the table, he placed it in the middle and started serving while Zexion gazed at the food in awe. It was chicken Kiev with what smelt like a lemon butter filling. The chicken was covered with almonds and coated with a plum sauce. The side dish was a crispy Caesar salad.

            “Did you make all this?” Zexion asked.

            Demyx rubbed the back of his neck. “Uhh, no. I can’t cook. Axel came around and cooked it. Sorry.”

            Zexion smiled. “It’s fine.”

            Demyx sat down and started to dig in. Zexion ate slowly like he always did, savouring the delicious food. The meal was delicious. The chicken cooked to perfection practically melted in his mouth. The plum sauce was divine and the salad nice and fresh.

            It meant so much to Zexion that the pair were sharing a wonderful meal together on an ideal day, their three month anniversary.

            After the meal, Demyx gazed into Zexions eyes. “I love you, Zexion.” He said.

            Zexion’s eyes widened. He was not expecting to hear that. “I love you too, Demyx.” He replied, a smile reaching his eyes.

            Demyx got up out of his seat and moved over to Zexion. He kissed him on the lips passionately. Then, holding his hand, he led Zexion to the bedroom, following a trail of rose petals.

 

***

 

            A tear fell down Zexion’s face. The silence was unbearable. He just could not take it anymore, he was so scared. It was time to join Demyx.

            Getting up and grabbing the same video camera Demyx had used to film his death, he walked over to the window in the living room, opening it wide. He turned on the camera and looked into it.

            “I’m sorry Axel, Roxas. As much as I don’t want to hurt you, I need to join Demyx in the after life. The silence which indicates my lovers death is just too terrifying. I’m sorry. Good bye.”

            He turned off the camera and stuck on the same note Demyx had written. Placing it on the table, he breathed in a deep breath as he stood on the window sill. _This is it. I’ll finally be at peace._

            And with that, he jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So that’s the end of Sedatephobia. I hoped you all liked it, even though I killed off the two main characters… I’m sorry! I really am!!!! I didn’t want to kill them, they’re my fave characters! Anyway, please review, even if it’s to tell me that this was a horrible story.


End file.
